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Closure with a Narcissist Taken from Facebook Narcissistic Action Asia

Shamelessly copied So many people want closure from a narcissist. YOU DON’T NEED IT FROM THEM. Now, what sort of closure can you expect from someone with the emotional maturity of a toddler? Give it to yourself. Pull down the shutters and bolt every door so that they never open again. Let them toddle off into whatever hell they have created for themselves. You’ve got your clarity and you know it’s better this way. That’s your closure. ’ When a relationship with a narcissist comes to an end, many people find that they can’t move on with their lives until they find closure. Closure is not going to come from the narcissist. It has got to come from yourself. There will be no, ‘I’m sorry, I treated you badly,’ or ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you.’ Narcissists like to think that you will forever be under their influence and control. They don’t care if you’re struggling and find it difficult to move on without any form of closure from them. They are not going to feel any shred of r...
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The mental mass of narc abuse

  It is totally an internal reality which we have and has little to do with what is going on in the outside world. It consists of our past,reactions to our past, societal and cultural expectations,gender expectations , and faulty thinking. the problem is that it takes up a huge chunk of mental space: it needs to quietly deconstructed by self education and introspection; once this has started we can learn to build internal and eternal boundaries and as we evolve our inner core may be strong enough to make those boundaries a little flexible- within our value system which hopefully has become clear as we do our self work....... I Think :-)
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Starting writing again

I have spent the past few weeks on various Facebook groups dealing with Narcissistic injury This has been useful but a little overwhelming. what I have started to see this evening is that the emotional build up i have inside is not from a single perspective,it has multiple perspectives.  T here is a sense of loss from a childhood incident. from this there is an extension unto family members, and then a sense of loss from feeling rejected . there is also a sense of guilt for projecting my powerlessness unto others. The thread of this sense of loss permeates all aspects of my life and i need to constantly ground myself in the present moment and live as best I can from new constructs and experiences   
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Strong anxious thoughts

Had an incident where I had two conscious triggers. There may have been others that I had missed. These annoyed me for the best part of yesterday. One thing that became clear is that these thoughts are driven by fear shame and threat of violence. They take up a lot of attention and have a large mental mass.when i get into this state there is a stuckness and a difficulty in moving forward in a meaningful way; my brain seems simply overwhelmed. I look for ways to neutralise these thoughts and sometimes these work temporarily.  Trying to neutralise these thoughts keeps the neutralisation circuits open and is ultimately unhelpful in the long term. The situation involved a difference of opinion with someone,there was no verbal altercations or explicit threats of violence, it was what most people would do in a day and what politicians make a living at.  so this mental mass has its own internal existence for me and consists of a miasma of jumbled thoughts, and feelings with no me...
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Doing things part 2

So then having a full understanding of the problem I would then be in a position to work it out. What can now happen? There would have to be sums done of some sort-no calculators until 1975!. If I made a mistake in the calculation that would be marked with an X as wrong.  This needs to be unpacked...... Surely the teacher should be able to see if i had a misunderstanding in the question, a confusion about which parts to work out first, an issue with combining the parts to get an answer, or a miscalculation in the arithmetic. to simply mark something as wrong is unhelpful.... Also using the word 'wrong' without a full definition is unhelpful. If the teacher was a poor teacher and didnt understand the nuances of the learning processes or worse still didnt give a shit or had misunderstood words themselves - how are the pupils to learn effectively.  I feel that the teachers assumed we didn't want to be here, didnt want to learn and would use extra work as punishments WTF?...
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Doing things..........

This can be difficult for me as I have learnt that if things I do are 'wrong' there will be punishment. The nature of this punishment boils down to physical beatings. Thus there is a feeling of terror at times . this can vary between acute stressfullness and terror. When things get really bad I lose identity,become dysarthric  and begin to act like a scared child of about age 4. This makes job interviews practically impossible due to me talking absolute gibberish. A couple of times I have (seemingly) blasted through this and become temporarily loud obnoxious and mildly aggressive. This is a sort of coping mechanism and always results in some sort of head trouble.....  I need to unpack the doingness of things.  Excuse the dodgy writing as this probably wont make a lot of sense. Let take something basic like doing a sum. This brings up mental images of being in a classroom doing problems in arithmetic. Panic sets in mind blanks and terror is felt : through this inter...
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Fear of other's thoughts

I fear what others think about me; apparently the rest of humanity has similar fears. We just want a degree of acceptance and validation and most importantly non exclusion. The feeling of separateness leads to extreme loneliness and can lead to seriously unhelpful thinking.  In my case I have a disconnect within the local 'culture' . I grew up in North Belfast a unionist enclave with strong religious ties. Men were expected to go to church and join the local brotherhoods- fraternal organisations. I have been a lifelong atheist and hated church i was disgusted at the narrow mindedness of the locals and their inability to see outside their culture. At least being able to see the various cultures from an external perspective has been very useful to me but I dont identify with any of them. A few years ago the government tried to pigeon hole us with equality legislation and would fish to see what schools you went to to;this allowed them to guess what re...
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