Fear of other's thoughts

I fear what others think about me; apparently the rest of humanity has similar fears.

 We just want a degree of acceptance and validation and most importantly non exclusion. The feeling of separateness leads to extreme loneliness and can lead to seriously unhelpful thinking. 

 In my case I have a disconnect within the local 'culture' . I grew up in North Belfast a unionist enclave with strong religious ties. Men were expected to go to church and join the local brotherhoods- fraternal organisations. I have been a lifelong atheist and hated church i was disgusted at the narrow mindedness of the locals and their inability to see outside their culture. At least being able to see the various cultures from an external perspective has been very useful to me but I dont identify with any of them. A few years ago the government tried to pigeon hole us with equality legislation and would fish to see what schools you went to to;this allowed them to guess what religion you would be perceived to be. I am a fucking atheist I am not protestant or catholic , nor am I a unionist or a nationalist/republican. Basically I find it hard to fit in on a cultural level. Thankfully with the arrival of social media and a more progressive outlook generally it is easy now to find secular groups and I have recently joined Humanists UK and humanists NI this is all very new and exciting. .... That will do for now..

 Just to continue in this vein. I saw an ex partner in a local coffee shop this morning. I looked over and saw she was very upset with the tears dripping unto her kindle. A back story here is unnecessary. part of my response to people is the fawn response; as I don't take pleasure in seeing people upset. I seem to want to protect upset people and i feel this is part of my personality (however it could just be learned behaviour). 

 If I had gone to her I would most likely been subject to a torrent of abuse and floods of tears;leading to me feeling guilty for stuff that is or was beyond my control. What i need to see is that I am not responsible for other peoples' internal realities. I am not responsible for their past traumas. I am responsible for my behaviour towards them. I need to maintain flexible caring boundaries- for myself initially... 

 How come once we stand up for ourselves that other people call us selfish????

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