Getting a Handle on CPTSD

So then having a full understanding of the problem I would then be in a position to work it out. What can now happen? There would have to be sums done of some sort-no calculators until 1975!. If I made a mistake in the calculation that would be marked with an X as wrong.  This needs to be unpacked...... Surely the teacher should be able to see if i had a misunderstanding in the question, a confusion about which parts to work out first, an issue with combining the parts to get an answer, or a miscalculation in the arithmetic. to simply mark something as wrong is unhelpful.... Also using the word 'wrong' without a full definition is unhelpful. If the teacher was a poor teacher and didnt understand the nuances of the learning processes or worse still didnt give a shit or had misunderstood words themselves - how are the pupils to learn effectively.  I feel that the teachers assumed we didn't want to be here, didnt want to learn and would use extra work as punishments WTF?...

This can be difficult for me as I have learnt that if things I do are 'wrong' there will be punishment. The nature of this punishment boils down to physical beatings. Thus there is a feeling of terror at times . this can vary between acute stressfullness and terror. When things get really bad I lose identity,become dysarthric  and begin to act like a scared child of about age 4. This makes job interviews practically impossible due to me talking absolute gibberish. A couple of times I have (seemingly) blasted through this and become temporarily loud obnoxious and mildly aggressive. This is a sort of coping mechanism and always results in some sort of head trouble.....  I need to unpack the doingness of things.  Excuse the dodgy writing as this probably wont make a lot of sense. Let take something basic like doing a sum. This brings up mental images of being in a classroom doing problems in arithmetic. Panic sets in mind blanks and terror is felt : through this inter...

I fear what others think about me; apparently the rest of humanity has similar fears. We just want a degree of acceptance and validation and most importantly non exclusion. The feeling of separateness leads to extreme loneliness and can lead to seriously unhelpful thinking.  In my case I have a disconnect within the local 'culture' . I grew up in North Belfast a unionist enclave with strong religious ties. Men were expected to go to church and join the local brotherhoods- fraternal organisations. I have been a lifelong atheist and hated church i was disgusted at the narrow mindedness of the locals and their inability to see outside their culture. At least being able to see the various cultures from an external perspective has been very useful to me but I dont identify with any of them. A few years ago the government tried to pigeon hole us with equality legislation and would fish to see what schools you went to to;this allowed them to guess what re...