Boundaries External
External boundaries are put up for self protection. They are what they are. They may be defended vigorously or maybe they are flexible. It all depends on how how I feel.
Once I can take at least one external perspective I can begin to question these boundaries. I feel it is good to take an almost disinterested perspective as if I am a curious visitor.
Question 1 are these boundaries necessary? I will do a dialogue which will help my do this post. Boundary setter and Me.
BS..... This boundary is to keep people out.?
Me Yes..
BS Why do you have to have it?
Me It is my first boundary- It gives me space.
BS I see that but why?
Me I am tired of people- they wear me out
BS Are you sure this is healthy for you?
Me At the moment yes it is. I need to rest and think.
BS Do you want this boundary time limited?
Me I haven't decided yet.
BS Why not?
Me You are not in charge here, I am making this boundary and any others I make are mine to set so long as I am not disturbing other people.
BS Thats not good.
Me Is that you inner critic?
IC yes
Me Are you hijacking the BS?
IC Yes for your own good
Me you can fuck off right now I will disassemble you later.
IC But!
ME (Stern look)
BS Thanks
ME You answer to me
BS I understand- however I may be able to see things you cannot.
ME Hmmmmmm OK
BS Could you be open to my perspectives as part of your learning process. You dont want to piss off some people who might be helpful and empathetic to you?
ME I just want to hide at the moment
BS I understand this- trust me to keep an eye on certain things.... you are very new to all of this
ME Ok let me rest .
BS I cant stop you resting I am not in charge I am simply a help
ME Ok ----let's do this gently..
So from a disinterested perspective... the dialogue between me and the Boundary Setter seems to indicate a symbiotic holding structure as I am tired today and I need to rest and be relaxed and safe. If I am interrupted I need to take heed and be calm and not tell people to fuck off.
Once I can take at least one external perspective I can begin to question these boundaries. I feel it is good to take an almost disinterested perspective as if I am a curious visitor.
Question 1 are these boundaries necessary? I will do a dialogue which will help my do this post. Boundary setter and Me.
BS..... This boundary is to keep people out.?
Me Yes..
BS Why do you have to have it?
Me It is my first boundary- It gives me space.
BS I see that but why?
Me I am tired of people- they wear me out
BS Are you sure this is healthy for you?
Me At the moment yes it is. I need to rest and think.
BS Do you want this boundary time limited?
Me I haven't decided yet.
BS Why not?
Me You are not in charge here, I am making this boundary and any others I make are mine to set so long as I am not disturbing other people.
BS Thats not good.
Me Is that you inner critic?
IC yes
Me Are you hijacking the BS?
IC Yes for your own good
Me you can fuck off right now I will disassemble you later.
IC But!
ME (Stern look)
BS Thanks
ME You answer to me
BS I understand- however I may be able to see things you cannot.
ME Hmmmmmm OK
BS Could you be open to my perspectives as part of your learning process. You dont want to piss off some people who might be helpful and empathetic to you?
ME I just want to hide at the moment
BS I understand this- trust me to keep an eye on certain things.... you are very new to all of this
ME Ok let me rest .
BS I cant stop you resting I am not in charge I am simply a help
ME Ok ----let's do this gently..
So from a disinterested perspective... the dialogue between me and the Boundary Setter seems to indicate a symbiotic holding structure as I am tired today and I need to rest and be relaxed and safe. If I am interrupted I need to take heed and be calm and not tell people to fuck off.
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