Anxiety
What is anxiety? I am going to address this from my perspective. It might take a couple of goes as I a v tired this evening. My earliest memories are of being loved and cared for, and I also had an inability to fight back. Fighting back- responding to other children's violence was alien to me.
I had a separation anxiety from my mother was this because I was left in hospital for a few weeks after i was born??? I dont know.
Anyway i had many major life changing events when I was very young. I witnessed a dog getting flattened by a bus and many elderly relatives died in a very short space of time probably 6 or 7 over a three year period.
During this time I learned that the world was a dangerous place and not to be trusted. Also I learned that having my own thoughts and wants would be severely punished. The education system in the 1960's bordered on the criminal with severe punishments and shaming for fuck all. It affected me greatly.
Unlike my sister I did not have the in built survival mechanism to actively fight back i was always thinking' why are they doing this to me?' there was a feeling of nearly total powerlessness. I did however break the razor strap shards which was used to punish me and i and i think i binned it. It was replaced by one made of red leather which was wider but with shorter shards. I remember disposing of this one by hiding it inside a pile of newspapers that where used for fire lighting; anyway it never resurfaced. ..... that will do for now..
I had a separation anxiety from my mother was this because I was left in hospital for a few weeks after i was born??? I dont know.
Anyway i had many major life changing events when I was very young. I witnessed a dog getting flattened by a bus and many elderly relatives died in a very short space of time probably 6 or 7 over a three year period.
During this time I learned that the world was a dangerous place and not to be trusted. Also I learned that having my own thoughts and wants would be severely punished. The education system in the 1960's bordered on the criminal with severe punishments and shaming for fuck all. It affected me greatly.
Unlike my sister I did not have the in built survival mechanism to actively fight back i was always thinking' why are they doing this to me?' there was a feeling of nearly total powerlessness. I did however break the razor strap shards which was used to punish me and i and i think i binned it. It was replaced by one made of red leather which was wider but with shorter shards. I remember disposing of this one by hiding it inside a pile of newspapers that where used for fire lighting; anyway it never resurfaced. ..... that will do for now..
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